My Favorite Soothing Techniques

When you are navigating a healing journey, Self soothing is such an important skill to learn. As things come up to heal, we will find ourselves blending with parts of ourselves that are stuck in different nervous system states. Our parts might be in a state of dorsal, otherwise known as collapse and freeze. This is when you feel like going inside of your turtle shell. When you want to disappear. When you feel dissasociated and frozen. Or your parts might be in a state of sympathetic, or fight or flight.

The first step is to bring awareness into what states you might be in throughout your day. It’s normal to move through all of these states as your day progresses. It’s even necessary to gear into action, to rest etc. But when we get stuck in these states, that’s when we might need some extra help to bring us back. When you have survived trauma, you might have lots of danger cues in your environment that are triggering your nervous system. Just being aware that a part has been activated and it’s in fight or flight is sometimes all thats needed to unblend or bounce back into regulation. Once I realize I am not feeling safe, or not doing okay, I turn to self-soothing. When we treat ourselves with care and tend to the little baby within, we bring our system back into a sense of safety. And safety is everything. Safety is where we become authentic. Safety is not always in our control in the outside world, but you can cultivate inner safety. You can be the inner parent to the one that feels so unsafe within.

I have compiled a list of my favorite self-soothing techniques. I pull these out often and I will continue to update these when I find more. These help me calm my nervous system and return it to a state of ventral vagal (where we feel willing to connect with others). I will include ones you can do alone and ones you can do with others to co-regulate. Co-regulation is being in safe connection with another mammal. For example, when my dog is nice and calm and emitting those deep sigh’s. I can curl up with him and imagine attuning to his nervous system. My nervous system will usually follow suit. Some of my co-regulating soothing techniques are available as an option to do together during my sessions. I have often broken into humming, swaying, hand holding, grounding and more with clients.

Self Regulation Tips

  • Seeking physical safety. Finding a location, or space within a room that feels better than where I was

  • Hugging my body firmly to feel my edges and containment

  • Gently touching body, caressing my own face or soothing touch

  • Holding your knees and rocking

  • Looking for something in your space that makes you feel safe or is pleasing to the eye

  • Taking a gentle walk in the sunshine

  • Humming/ chanting/ toning/ using your own sound to find healing through your voice.

  • Yin Yoga

  • Rubbing your belly

  • Visualize or acknowledge the feeling as a part. If you are able to open your heart to this part, and unblend from it, you are allowing it to meet SELF energy- which is the basis for where tremendous healing can happen

  • Ask yourself: “What does my nervous system need in this moment?”

  • Praying to a higher power and knowing you don’t have to carry this feeling/ problem alone

  • Hand writing. It can be your feelings that you write out or something else entirely.

  • Changing posture: if you’re sitting then maybe lying down etc.

  • EFT tapping

  • Cuddling a stuffed animal

  • Saying out loud what you need to hear: I love you, you are safe, you are perfect, I accept myself with this feeling, you are doing such a good job. Alternatively you can record some affirmations and listen to these.

  • Acupuncture

  • Being in nature, sunshine or stepping outside and breathing some air

  • Contain yourself in water

  • Golden light coming down your body

  • Resourcing: Imagine a loving figure, animal, spiritual being, guide to be near you and help you

  • Breathing in safety or light, breathing out whatever emotional density you are experiencing

  • Hand & Hand. Many different variations of this. You can hold your own hand. You can place one hand on the back of your neck and the other on your heart. One hand on heart and the other on your belly. One hand on heart and the other on your pituitary gland. Let your hands guide you where they want to go.

  • Slowing down the breathe or holding your breath

  • Take a break from technology. Turning off phone or getting off of social media

  • Stand up and sway from side to side

  • Do something nourishing like booking bodywork for myself

  • Using technology to soothe by watching something that makes your heart happy. Childhood favorites or shows/ movies that make you feel comforted. Personal favorites of mine: Great british baking show, Studio Ghibli movies, Disney, Pixar

  • Tea time. Bringing mindfulness and practice sitting and doing nothing as you sip and bring in the warmth.

  • Hands in cold water or splashing your face with cold water

  • Massaging your masseter, temples or shoulders

  • Grounding: hand over head, stomping, alternating standing on one leg, wall sitting, barefoot feet outside

  • Warmth: hot showers, hot pack or water bottle, hot drink, warm blanket. This really can help when social warmth is missing

  • Resting & Napping

  • Weighted blanket

  • Listen to the sounds of nature

Co-Regulation Tips

  • Touch. This can look a million different ways. Hand holding, hugging, stroking belly, placing a hand on the back of the heart, back rubs, playing with hair etc.

  • Do an activity with another that is not over activating (walking, playing, drawing, engaging in an activity that isn’t face to face)

  • Humming/ toning/ singing or making horse lips together

  • Closing eyes and breathing together, sighing together

  • A phone call to a friend or asking for help

  • EFT tapping









Laura Torres Harwood