A Message To People Who Feel Everything

I have spent the last 29.5 years of my life feeling like my emotions were not okay. There was something not right about the way I operated. I felt too much, or too little. That my sensitivity or feelings were something to be ashamed of. I shared a big portion of my emotional life on youtube, and had to hide the rest. Why? Because even THAT was too much, the rest would just be overkill.

The inherent message in this, is that SOME emotion is okay. SOME authenticity is okay. SOME vulnerability is okay. But then that’s enough okay, now you have to reel it back. We are still titrating our responses in regards to emotion, just to make sure that we aren’t perceived as triggered. Our society is growing towards expressions of vulnerability, but for many, it’s not going fast enough.

I can’t tell you how tired I am of this hidden message. Granted, I’ve never had someone say ‘woahhhh you are an emotional MESS’, but I’ve never had to. This message is everywhere. Someone patting you on the back trying to rush you along your process. Trying too quickly, to look on the bright side. Not being able to be with pain because it makes us uncomfortable or awkward. Messages that say: I’m not concerned, you are so dramatic, you always feel that way, why on earth would that upset you? and the list goes on and on.

I notice, even within myself that after vulnerability must come strength. This is really just so that you know i’m’ actually okay. I didn’t want my vulnerability to give you the wrong message. That I was actually too weak, or too scared. I want you to know that I can also handle myself. That just shows that even when you reveal that you feel everything, you have to make it up somehow. That there is a price you pay for opening up with your feelings. Now you must prove that you have your shit together.

Just the other day I caught someone close to me crying. She quickly said she was okay. Wiped away her tears and said “not to worry about her” (spoiler alert: I wasn’t). I was perfectly comfortable being in her break-through. The next day she told me not to worry, that she was feeling strong again. This message is so ingrained in all of us, it makes my heart hurt. You don’t need to feel strong again. You are fine not having the solution to your hurt right away.

If we break down, we have to quickly show people that we’ve gathered the pieces. But what if the pieces need to stay broken for a while? What if we need to have a break down multiple times on a Tuesday? How accepting are we of our 2nd trip on the emotional merry go round? I feel like we will find, both within ourselves and within others that we judge HOW many times we are vulnerable. HOW much is acceptable. When to draw the line.

My invitation is to see this for what it is: STILL not being okay as we are. STILL not allowing our bodies, that want to move, flow and release to have their very organic process unfold because it doesn’t fit into a societal mold. To stop re-assuring people that we are okay. To stop trying to quickly wipe away our tears when they haven’t finished flowing.

To try and be vulnerable a SECOND time. You, who feels everything: YOU ARE OKAY. You are normal. You are the extremely essential canary in the coal mine. You highlight our collective shadows, you show the rest of the world what the one cosmic heart of humanity is feeling. You have shedded the numbness in exchange for the brutal pain of being alive in this world, at this time.

You are not too much. You are not too dull. You are just at the right amount of feeling. Seriously. All of it. Every burst of adrenaline & excitement, inappropriate laugh, every fight or flight response, every flash of rage, every defense, every hurt. All of it has a story, a meaning, a truth to it. There is no mistake in the things that make you angry. The things that tear your heart into a million of pieces.

I know what it feels like to feel like you are the only one who could possibly feel that way. It’s a lie. Everybody has felt it at some point. Even that thing that feels like the most shameful thing you’ve ever done, or that way you secretly feel about yourself. Yeah, someone else also shares that. And ALSO is probably not talking about it. There is no feeling that singles you out and says ‘oh no, that one isn’t okay, now you must go’.

So sit down at this table, because you are meant to be here. Not only that, but your sensitivity BELONGS. We all just have various degrees of it. Some are more defended than others. Don’t let that fool you. Bigger walls do not equate bigger courage.

So run out and FEEL FEEL FEEL. Blush, cry, be nervous, be hurt, concerned, worried, because these are the things that make us human. You can evolve, and be more regulated, and feel more safe in this world, but ONLY and when you first allow and welcome the states that are in you right now. The ones that you are trying to push and mold into shape. No more comparisons of what normal or strong is supposed to look like, okay?

These feelings came with you, they are in you and THAT’S how I know they are meant to be here. Your sensitivity was not a mistake. We need you.